http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?blogId=1 Michael Welsh, the runner of Michael's Blog. Michael Welsh is also known as yomcat, and has a beautiful wifey called Melissa. Michael Welsh will talk about random stuff in Michael's blog. Stuff like advanced mathematics and pretty beads. If it doesn't offend people, it's not worth saying. yomcat 2010-09-06T21:04:49Z http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1322&blogId=1 So I'm going to Canberra later in this year. On a desert bus, and a plane, for some maths.<br/><ul> <li> <li> <li> <li> <li> <li>Leave</li> </ul> Lists 2010-07-30T12:26:28Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1321&blogId=1 At any given time, I have a finite number of questions bouncing around in my head. Here is a sample (excluding all the ones related to my thesis, and they'll make no sense to the two of you that read this). Some are serious, some are silly. Some are both. Some are only semi-decidable.<br/><ul> <li>Do I want to do a PhD?</li> <li>What is going to happen next year?</li> <li>Should I buy new shoes, or just continue to duct tape them up?</li> <li>Shoes or bare feet?</li> <li>Should I get Charlie a bigger HD?</li> <li>Why does church piss me off so much?</li> <li>Christianity - what's the point?</li> <li>Should I explain to Dad how to decrypt that email I sent him?</li> <li>How do you negate and simplify on a parse tree?</li> <li>Should I teach the first years my bad habits?</li> <li>Did anybody get <a href="http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1309&blogId=1">this blog post</a>?</li> <li>Why do people never take me at my word?</li> <li>How did the dirty dutch do so well?</li> <li>Should I really be running a pretest of TeXLive?</li> <li>What's so appealing about England?</li> <li>Why are Christians complete douches?</li> <li>Why are good relationships so hard to come by?</li> <li>Why does writing blog posts screw up the red underlines?</li> <li>How can I explain to people what I spend my days doing?</li> <li>What am I truly interested in and passionate about?</li> <li>How do I sum up Andrew's life in 3 letters?</li> </ul> Serious Stuff 2010-07-20T21:14:09Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1313&blogId=1 The first round of 16 matches has just been completed. And what a way to end it. Messiest goal so far, but Switzerland are going to party long and hard...<br/>Anyway, a few things: <ul> <li>25 goals is bugger all.</li> <li>South Africa and Mexico made a good start to the round. However, most of the rest of the round sucked. I think it's because of far too much nerves and not wanting to lose.</li> <li>France are still poos.</li> <li>Messi can shoot a lot, but Enyeama outshone him.</li> <li>Robert Green - lolz.</li> <li>Australia - even more lolz.</li> <li>The young Germans, Ozil and Muller, look very good. As do some of the young Chileans: Fernandez and Sanchez.</li> <li>Algeria Slovenia followed by Serbia Ghana were the hardest games to watch.</li> <li>Holland were lucky. They have a good young winger who came on as a sub, but I still don't like them. Van Persie couldn't score in a brothel, and Kuyt could only score if she's very ugly.</li> <li>Any team with a little bit of pace will rip us to shreds. But <3 Winston Reid.</li> <li>Any player moaning about the ball just isn't good enough. Germany aren't.</li> <li>North Korea were surprisingly good. And Switzerland :)</li> <li>Tim Cahill: Karma's a bitch.</li> <li>Teams that NZ is doing better than: (current ranking in brackets) <ul> <li>Uruguay (16)</li> <li>France (9)</li> <li>Greece (13)</li> <li>Nigeria (21)</li> <li>Algeria (30)</li> <li>Serbia (15)</li> <li>Australia (20)</li> <li>Denmark (36)</li> <li>Cameroon (19)</li> <li>Ivory Coast (27)</li> <li>Portugal (3)</li> <li>North Korea (105)</li> <li>Honduras (38)</li> <li>Spain (2)</li> </ul> </ul> Now, some moments. I'm too lazy to youtube them, but all videos should be on <a href="http://fifa.com">FIFA.com</a>. <dl> <dt><b>Best goal:</b></dt> <dd>While Winston Reid's effort for us is special, it'll have to go to Tshabalala's goal that opened the cup for South Africa.</dd> <dt><b>Worst goal:</b></dt> <dd>Fernandes, for Switzerland. That was horrible.</dd> <dt><b>Best keeping:</b></dt> <dd>Enyeama against Messi. He kept the scoreline low for Nigeria.</dd> <dt><b>Worst keeping:</b></dt> <dd>Since Robert Green is getting so wasted already, I'll give it to Chaouchi for Algeria.</dd> <dt><b>Best game:</b></dt> <dd>Germany 4 - Australia 0.</dd> <dt><b>Worst game:</b></dt> <dd>Both Algeria 0 - Slovenia 1 and Serbia 0 - Ghana 1 were horrible. And they were right after each other. Not a good night, that one. The morning had Germany tearing Australia to pieces, which compensated.</dd> <dt><b>Funniest moment:</b></dt> <dd>Robert Green. With an honourable mention to Poulsen's own goal.</dd> <dt><b>Biggest surprise:</b></dt> <dd>Brazil not being unable to rip North Korea a new one. And Switzerland beating Spain.</dd> </dl> <p>There aren't many good looking hit ups in the second round. I think it's going to be more interesting to see how teams pick themselves up. Can New Zealand pull of a shocker against an Italian team reeling? Will Spain give Honduras a hiding? Can North Korea go one better and get a point against Portugal?</p> Football 2010-06-17T04:03:00Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1306&blogId=1 So I'm going to CU camp this weekend. Supposedly, to learn about Romans (though I put to pick up chics on my form). Since I'm so whipped, here are some things I'm not allowed to do.<br/><ul> <li>Talk about making babies.</li> <li>Talk about eating babies.</li> <li>Talk about making breakfast.</li> <li>Talk about sex.</li> <li>Hold people's stupidity against them.</li> <li>Tell people how stupid they are.</li> <li>Lord my cookies over them.</li> <li>Eat vegetables.</li> <li>Stab people.</li> <li>Read from anything except the KJV.</li> </ul> As an aside, I always want to write begin{itemize} whenever I do these lists. And then try to indent. Lists 2010-04-14T17:20:18Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1305&blogId=1 All of these have the potential to make interesting sermons. Where "interesting" could mean one of a bunch of things...<br/><ul> <li>Sex: God's gift to mankind.</li> <li>The role of women in the church.</li> <li>Why you should not tithe.</li> <li>Jesus' resurrection was only spiritual.</li> <li>How to pick up chics.</li> <li>Christians: The world's mindless drones.</li> <li>Why the bible is false.</li> <li>Arse-kissing: A how to guide.</li> <li>Things Dan Brown got right.</li> <li>Why Catholicism is the only way.</li> </ul> <p>The basic idea is to get some potentially hairy topic, and take an extreme view. In fact, any view will probably work. Opinions are frowned upon, after all.</p> Lists 2010-04-06T11:04:05Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1301&blogId=1 Here are the rules. Blatantly stolen from the Internet.<br/><ol> <li>From 11 June to 11 July 2010, you should read the sport pages so you are aware of what's going on regarding the World Cup and will be able to join in conversations. If you fail to do this, you'll be looked at in a bad way or be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.</li> <li>During the World Cup the television is mine, mine, mine at all times without any exceptions.</li> <li>I don't mind if you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand naked in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.</li> <li>During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute - unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.</li> <li>It would be a good idea for you to keep at least two six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on. And please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV on occasion, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.</li> <li>Please, please, please if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, DO NOT say "get over it, it's only a game" or "don't worry, they'll win next time". If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break-up or divorce.</li> <li>You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during half-time but only when the adverts are on, and only if the score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying "one" game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to "spend time together".</li> <li>Most importantly, making love is out of the question during the entire month. It has to be a 'quickie' and that has to be during half-time as well.</li> <li>The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.</li> <li>Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: a) I will not go, b) I will not go, and c) I will not go.</li> <li>But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.</li> <li>The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying "but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something we can all watch?" The reply will be: "Refer to Rule #2 of this list".</li> <li>And finally, please save your expressions such as "Thank God the World Cup is only every 4 years". I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Italian League, Spanish League, English Premier League, etc.</li> </ol> <p>Thank you for your cooperation. <br /> Regards, Men of the World</p> Press Releases 2010-03-17T14:02:24Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1300&blogId=1 On Wednesday, I am giving a talk, nominally about what I got up to all summer. This talk is currently unnamed, but it could do with a name. Vote.<br/><ul> <li>Quantum Gravity</li> <li>Parastrophic Quasigroups: A Kindergarten View</li> <li>Matroids Hate Me</li> <li>Computer Science In Disguise</li> <li>Partitions: A Czech View</li> </ul> <p>Alternatively, you could suggest other possible titles. And you can't come, and no notes will be posted on the <a href="http://yomcat.geek.nz/maths/">Internet</a>.</p> Maths 2010-03-13T18:01:34Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1292&blogId=1 These are a few things I've noticed on the Internet. Predominately on Facebook (which is <a href="http://simon.geek.nz/comments-and-4chan">quickly</a> turning into 4chan). And Bayliss has been excluded, because his spelling is atrocious anyway.<br/><ul> <li>"I heard velociraptors were viscous".</li> <li>"I Don't Smoke, I Wont Smoke, I Never Want to and Never Will".</li> <li>"Player x has just resigned".</li> <li>"Those who critisize our generation forget who raised it." (yes, Americans cannot spell)</li> <li><a href="http://yomcat.geek.nz/photos/ass.jpg">A</a><a href="http://yomcat.geek.nz/photos/ass_2.jpg">s</a><a href="http://yomcat.geek.nz/photos/ass_3.jpg">s</a>.</li> <li>"Keep your eyes pealed"</li> </ul> <p>On top of that, there's stuff that just makes you look like an idiot. I'm sure your familiar with stuff like that.</p> Lists 2010-01-19T16:34:52Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1289&blogId=1 Last one. In other news, Remnant Books and Cards is over, and I'm getting tired of certain parts of the Internet, and most likely will take a break.<br/><ul> <li>Boolean satisfiability</li> <li>Grundy number</li> <li>Subgraph isomorphism</li> <li>Travelling salesman</li> <li>Knapsack</li> <li>Non-trivial greatest common divisor</li> <li>Algebraic equations over GF(2)</li> <li>Battleship</li> <li>Tetris</li> <li>Chromatic Number</li> </ul> Maths 2009-12-27T07:12:46Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1288&blogId=1 <a href="http://twitter.com/yomcat/status/6871992235">Twitter</a> 1 <a href="http://www.facebook.com/y0mcat?v=feed&story_fbid=214637921617&ref=mf">Facebook</a> 0.<br/><ul> <li>Don't cook it. Just eat it.</li> <li>Blend it, then use a <a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/gear/cc89/">Looftlighter</a>.</li> <li>Boil it.</li> <li>On a stick.</li> <li>On a barbecue.</li> <li>Fricassee.</li> <li>Light the cow on fire.</li> <li>Place it underneath Zepto while Zepto is running my algorithm.</li> <li>With fire.</li> <li>Put it on a barrel and shoot at the barrel.</li> <li>Screw the blender. Just use a <a href="http://www.thinkgeek.com/homeoffice/gear/cc89/">Looftlighter</a>.</li> </ul> Lists 2009-12-22T16:41:37Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1287&blogId=1 YMMV.<br/><ul> <li>Desert Storm.</li> <li>Mullets.</li> <li>Being able to go pee-pee with the seat down, and missing the toilet seat.</li> <li>A wedding ring.</li> <li>Babies and Blenders.</li> <li>Crushing cans on your forehead.</li> <li>Commando style.</li> <li>Mullhawk.</li> <li>Being able to poo the alphabet.</li> </ul> Lists 2009-12-21T08:40:38Z yomcat http://yomcat.geek.nz/lifetype/index.php?op=ViewArticle&articleId=1286&blogId=1 Read down the list until you get to something that makes sense.<br/><ul> <li>Finding out what rank 3 Dowling Geometries are p-representable.</li> <li>Studying Secret Sharing Matroids.</li> <li>Matroid Theory.</li> <li>Combinatorics.</li> <li>Pure Maths.</li> <li>Mathematics.</li> <li>Hard Stuff.</li> <li>Pissing round on the Internet, pretending to work.</li> </ul> Maths 2009-12-14T16:59:25Z yomcat